He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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