genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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