i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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