she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
