dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
