Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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