We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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