this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how do flat chested girls get laid?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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