You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize