I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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