Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
