He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
