im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
