found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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