I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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