I hope mine doesn't look like that
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
