Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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