drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
