ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So squirting runs in the family.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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