she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
