I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
