hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
