Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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