god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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