Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
