So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
