I smell stomach acid.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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