The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
