i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
