I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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