I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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