You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize