he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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