Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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