my mouth tastes like poor choices
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize