Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize