Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
