This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
