I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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