your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
