so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
