My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
