:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize