she looked like the bat from fern gully.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
