The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
