Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
