Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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