It was confusing and full of hummus
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
