I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
