seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize