before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
