Please, let me fuck your mom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
