Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
