oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my vagina is haunted
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
