But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
