so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
