I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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