Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
