I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found puke in my bra..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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