i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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