Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize