I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
