Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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