Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
