even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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