Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize