You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
