hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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