Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
