her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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