I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
