I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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