he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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