Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize