I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were trust falling into bushes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize