with your own penis?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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