HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
